Tales of a Whimsical Cynic

Reshuffle

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 15:21:11 GMT

If you're someone who keeps up with this blog, you might wonder where the heck I've gone off to. This blog has suffered an identity crisis as I've started blogs specific to my interests and put my photos/personal updates on Facebook. So, the various places I can be found include:

Craft Blog
Garden Blog
Ranty Blog
Ravelry
Folia

I'm involved in the above sporadically and seasonally, as I have energy and the mood strikes. Folia in particular I've just played around with a bit, but I imagine I'll delve into it properly next spring.

My name is fairly unique, so I'm easily found on Facebook. If you want to see photos of the kids, that's where they will be.

At some point I'll probably de-livejournal this domain and shuffle things again, but for the time being you'll know where to find me.

Many myriad semi-related things

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:32:40 GMT

It's been a while since I properly posted. While I'm not entirely sure what constitutes a 'proper post', I'm fairly certain it involves pictures of the kids. There shall be a few of those here today.

Speaking of posting, I'm quite proud that I've managed to make at least one daily post on my politics/education blog since its inception a whole week ago. Woww. If you have the urge to hear me rant about stuff, please feel free to visit.

And speaking of blogs, when my livejournal paid subscription runs out, I'm most likely going to migrate this journal to wordpress. If you access this blog by viewing rosgen.net, there will be no meaningful change, but if you go to the livejournal address, watch this space.

I read a terrific book that I must promote. I'm sure most Americans will have seen the movie A Christmas Story, or at least the words 'Red Ryder BB Gun' will be familiar ones. I bought the book In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash, upon which the movie is based, a couple months ago and enjoyed it immensely. It's particularly readable for busy people (or people like me who have a hard time snatching more than 5 minutes alone to read) as he relates his childhood in depression-era Indiana in short stories. His sardonic, overblown writing style gives me joy--indeed he could be the first writer of hyper-realism, and certainly is much more enjoyable than the sometimes gratingly self-obsessed writing of Dave Eggers and the like.

Choir started back up again in February and Joseph has decided to join as well rather than continue learning piano with me. I try not to think about what that implies about my teaching..

The rumours circulating are true--we have been considering moving south and have now more or less made up our minds. Of course we have no idea when this might take place, but this is the area we are considering:

We want to be between Oxford and London and close to the home ed resources in Berkshire (Bahk-shuh, to my American readers..'berk' is an insult apparently. :P). The proximity to multiple Unitarian churches is icing, for sure.

So, on to some pictures..

First and foremost, my littlest seester had her first baby! I hate being so far away, hate hate hate, but I'm trying to keep my head about it. After all, it was my decision to trade Idaho sticks for Scotland sticks. My Aunt Fran posted some pictures online (which is why I assume no one will shoot me for posting a picture here) and I was fine looking at them until I saw the following, at which point I lost it:

That's my daddy, you see. *sniff*

We've had some random adventures recently. Here we are stopped in front of the Forth Rail Bridge works:

Muster point? Hehehehe. Only in Britain. Almost as good as the 'changed priorities ahead' signs.

That's 378 days without a *reportable* accident.

We went to Deep Sea World, and I took many pictures of fish, all of which were sh*t. This shot of an artist's rendition of the Firth of Forth by the bridges sans water is pretty nifty though, I thought.

James should be jealous.

The arguments that home educators can't be properly socialized don't hold any water. That said, being sadistic, I do think there are some experiences that some children should have. For example, having to endure circle games.

It all worked out for them though, as they got to bake treats as well. Nyssa heartily approves.

And Joseph got to interrogate grownups about stuff. This, incidentally was a Woodcraft Folk meeting (scouts minus the swearing allegiance to God and The Queen), and in all seriousness, thanks to the parents who organized it.

I think I was right to be concerned about the influence of certain peers, however. My boy a Stick Child?! Oh HELL no!

Our evening's entertainment was a bit strange. We decided that seeing a 3D showing of Bolt would fray the nerves of a certain boy-child beyond what he could stand, so instead we loitered in the lobby, eating popcorn and playing air hockey. We were coolness.

I suppose that's it, actually. I'd take pictures of all my bulbs coming up, but my inability to take decent pictures has demoralized me somewhat. Maybe I'll take a picture of dinner tonight--noteworthy because it's the first pot roast I've made in, erm..certainly many, many years.

Joseph's response

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 16:50:17 GMT

Joseph wanted his posted too!

Consultation Questions

1. Do you think the current system for safeguarding children who are educated at home is adequate? Please let us know why you think that.

No

Comments: The government shouldn't be in charge of keeping kids safe at home. It's the parents' job, and it's their decision if they're homeschooled. It's not like the government are parents and it's the parents who should be in charge of how they want to school their kids.

Do you think that home educated children are able to achieve the following five Every Child Matters outcomes? Please let us know why you think that.

2 a) Be healthy

Yes

Commments: Homeschooling children aren't that different from schooled children in how healthy they can be.

2 b) Stay safe

Yes

Comments: Kids are closer to parents which means parents can keep a closer eye on them.

2 c) Enjoy and achieve

Not Sure

Comments: Enjoy and achieve what? Are you asking us if they can enjoy life and achieve a great life? If so, yes.

2 d) Make a positive contribution.

Yes

Comments: Why couldn't home schoolers make a positive contribution?

2 e) achieve economic well-being

Yes

Comments: Homeschoolers learn in a different environment but it's not so different that it means they can't get jobs in the future.

3. Do you think that Government and local authorities have an obligation to ensure that all children in this country are able to achieve the five outcomes? If you answered yes, how do you think Government should ensure this?.

Yes

Comments: I think it's the parents' job and as I said earlier, the government isn't the parent.

4. Do you think there should be any changes made to the current system for supporting home educating families? If you answered yes, what should they be? If you answered no, why do you think that?

Yes

Comments: The government could help get homeschoolers discounts for educational activities.

5. Do you think there should be any changes made to the current system for monitoring home educating families? If you answered yes, what should they be? If you answered no, why do you think that?

Yes

Comments: I think the government should leave homeschoolers alone and let parents teach their kids how they want.

6. Some people have expressed concern that home education could be used as a cover for child abuse, forced marriage, domestic servitude or other forms of child neglect. What do you think Government should do to ensure this does not happen?

Answer: If I had an idea of what could help, I would tell you, but I don't know anything that could help the government prevent all child abuse.

Nyssa's consultation response

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:20:28 GMT

Nyssa would like everyone to know her views. There are still some hours left to fill it in!

Consultation Questions

1

Do you think the current system for safeguarding children who are educated at home is adequate? Please let us know why you think that.

Yes

Do you think that home educated children are able to achieve the following five Every Child Matters outcomes? Please let us know why you think that.

2 a)

Be healthy

Yes

Comments: I think it's easier for vegetarians and vegans to be healthy when home-educated.

2 b)

Stay safe

Yes

Comments: I feel good and safe in my home.

2 c)

Enjoy and achieve

Yes

Comments: I'm very happy and I'm learning much more easily than I did at school.

2 d)

Make a positive contribution.

Yes

Comments: In fact, I have learned to get along much better with older people and younger people and unique people than I did at school.

2 e)

achieve economic well-being

Yes

Comments: I think happiness and healthy and keeping other peoples' lives and helping the poor are more important.

3

Do you think that Government and local authorities have an obligation to ensure that all children in this country are able to achieve the five outcomes? If you answered yes, how do you think Government should ensure this?.

No

Comments: I think it's the parents' job because they're the reason we're alive and so they care more!

4

Do you think there should be any changes made to the current system for supporting home educating families? If you answered yes, what should they be? If you answered no, why do you think that?

Yes

Comments: The government should leave home educators alone.

5

Do you think there should be any changes made to the current system for monitoring home educating families? If you answered yes, what should they be? If you answered no, why do you think that?

Yes

Comments: I hate inspections! I don't think there should be any anymore.

6

Some people have expressed concern that home education could be used as a cover for child abuse, forced marriage, domestic servitude or other forms of child neglect. What do you think Government should do to ensure this does not happen?

Answer: I don't know how the government could help abused kids by spying on home educators. All kinds of kids can be abused and you can't spy on everyone!

***
(I think it's funny that the spelling error in the consultation form has mysteriously been corrected..)

I think those were some excellent comments. I didn't know she had such strong opinions on inspections! We've been off our council's radar for some reason, so we only had the one a few years ago, and it wasn't in our home. I wonder if she's putting them in the same category as rental agency inspections--nobody likes those! :)

On the topic of having opinions, I've started a new blog for the purpose of ranting about mine. If you're interested, it's over here...only I bought a domain for it, and it might take a few days to propogate. In the meantime, read it here.

Sick

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:43:42 GMT

I'll let Nyssa describe the general mood for today with a poem she wrote:

Sick
by Nyssa

i and you are Sick oh why, oh why,
Oh Why. Look up at the sky Today
Look, it is very grey. all i do is
Sigh, and sigh and sigh, Oh Why
am i Sick. Couldn't i be bitten by a
Tick? all I do is Lay on my bed
Today. Oh Why are we Sick.

TGIF

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 14:09:03 GMT

February, that is. I never could get the hang of January. I really should just schedule myself to be absent for that one month of the year.

So, Scotland being ever a contrary sort of place, has once again waited until well after the holidays to grace us with a considerable snowfall.

My family back home are surely saying, 'Pfft. You can still see the ground in places.' Fair enough, but this is serious for us. The South of England has ground to a halt, apparently.

Nyssa, our little polar bear, outside practicing tennis. By herself. It should be noted that she's only wearing a coat because I insisted.

Two blue garden gnomes? Nay, after several weeks, the Dynorod people finally came back and gutted out the sewage pipes and filled in the hole. This would be why I'm slightly happier to have Nyssa running about in the garden--not so likely now that she'll infect us all with cholera or something..:P

Robin saying 'hello' outside the living room window. Yes, actually I will use any excuse to post gratuitous robin pictures.

We have also had an unusual amount of winter sun, which means occasionally I can get the house to a happy temperature. Mittens enjoys basking weather a great deal.

Truth be told, so do I. There is a direct correlation between how warm I am and how likely I am to get properly dressed. I say properly..no doubt my fashion sense is somewhat lacking in that regard.

Thanks to Kosmic, we did make it out of the house last week. We had a sort of 'swap shop' with other homeschool kids. By which I mean kids (mums) packed up loads of stuff they wanted to be rid of and brought it along with no intention of taking more stuff back home with them. It worked out mostly well for us--here Joseph is dutifully trying to convince people of the brilliance of his Doctor Who collection. I admit I was a bit sad that he considers his Dr. Who phase to be utterly over. If only Lego snagged the franchise, it might have had a chance with Joseph.. I'm sorry, but there's no way that Star Wars is *more* cool.

Nyssa being not so dutiful--can you believe she's actually swapping?

This was me during the swap. The Scout Hall we were in did not have the heating turned on in that part of the building. It wasn't just me being wimpy. Ask anyone.

What a fabulous lad, doing the sweeping up.

Nyssa was too busy getting to be with another girl. She's had quite a social week actually--tonight she comes home after having been at another friend's house for 3 nights! I would have thought (hoped?) that that would have been too long without me, or at least Joseph, but apparently not.. I guess that's good. (*sob*)

Oh yes, I've started a new knitting blog here. I had another one, but got annoyed with it as it's a different user and requires that I log out of this account to use it. Yes, I'm very lazy. I've also had cause to post to my garden blog, which is linked in the sidebar, if you're interested.

So, things are looking up. Valentine's Day is coming up, for which I continue to try and train James, and after that it's but a short jump into spring!

Deja vu, it would seem.

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:24:18 GMT

The DCFS is going for another round of consultations on home education policy. Technically, as we're in Scotland, this isn't immediately relevent. That said, we're not likely to be north of the border forever and how homeschoolers are viewed is something that everyone should be concerned about, particularly as I've heard that this particular review is inspired by cases uncovered by the Crown Prosecution Service of children being listed as homeschooled when in fact they were forced into marriages. Here is my response:

Do you think the current system for safeguarding children who are educated at home is adequate? Please let us know why you think that.

No.

Comments: I don't think it is acceptable that home educators do not necessarily have to make themselves known to the government. I also believe it is a mistake that, as far as I'm aware, the identities of home educators are kept by councils--there should be a centralized database that councils pull information from. Beyond names and addresses, I don't believe the government is entitled to further information as 1. the government cannot ensure that the level of safety and education is sufficient within its own schools and 2. home educating parents are entitled to the same assumption of innocence and competence that parents of schooled children enjoy until there is evidence to the contrary.

Do you think that home educated children are able to achieve the following five Every Child Matters outcomes? Please let us know why you think that.

Be healthy

Yes

Comments: Parents are in the best position to monitor and ensure good health, and the government should assume that the vast majority of parents will do so.

Stay safe

Yes

Comments: It stands to reason that as parents tend to have the keenest interest in keeping their children safe, having more contact with them can only lead to increased safety. The thrust of questions relating to safety seem to be a veiled attempt to assess opinions on the degree to which home education is or can be used as a cover for abusive practices. I think, however, this is the result of faulty logic. There is no reason to assume that more abuse occurs in home educating households. Just as the government doesn't uncover pockets of illegal activity in schools by turning the entire student population upside-down and shaking them, neither will Orwellian monitoring of home educators be an effective means of revealing child abuse. This mindset and the actions that follow from it only damage the home educating community and make them more distrustful of the government and its policies.

Enjoy and acheive *it makes me warm inside when education reps can't spell ;)*

Yes

Comments: Again, parents can best assess the interests and abilities of their children and in the majority of cases will work to satisfy their needs.

Make a positive contribution.

Yes

Comments: While the desire to make a positive contribution has a great deal to do with intrinsic motivation and personality, home educating families are just as likely to provide the kinds of role-models that inspire such activities as schooling families. It is hurtful to home educators to imply otherwise.

achieve economic well-being

Yes

Comments: The ability to have economic well-being, whatever that is, is subject to so many factors and varies so widely across the entire population that I really don't think this question merits a response, as indeed it cannot be answered honestly or in an informed way.

Do you think that Government and local authorities have an obligation to ensure that all children in this country are able to achieve the five outcomes? If you answered yes, how do you think Government should ensure this?. If you answered no, why do you think that?

No

Comments: I think the focus is misdirected. The government can hardly ensure that these goals are achieved in its own schools. Rather than focusing so keenly on intangibles like testing in schools and endless home education policy reviews, time and resources should be spent in making the country a friendlier and more supportive environment for families generally.

Do you think there should be any changes made to the current system for supporting home educating families? If you answered yes, what should they be? If you answered no, why do you think that?

Yes

Comments: A home educated child should be entitled to the same level of government financial investment in learning materials and experiences as a schooled child. This should be a policy across the education system. More should be done for children who are being home educated because of failings on the part of the school/s. Certain community investments in the education of all children would be helpful. For example, children should be provided with free or deeply discounted public transport to encourage more outings. Policy-makers tend to overlook the fact that parents with children in school as well as homeschooling parents often find it difficult to find suitable work arrangements. In fact, the government ought to swiftly reverse the overall trend of encouraging work over family life.

Do you think there should be any changes made to the current system for monitoring home educating families? If you answered yes, what should they be? If you answered no, why do you think that?

Yes

Comments: Once a child is identified as being home-educated, there should be no monitoring unless there is evidence to suggest his or her rights are being breached.

Some people have expressed concern that home education could be used as a cover for child abuse, forced marriage, domestic servitude or other forms of child neglect. What do you think Government should do to ensure this does not happen?

Answer: Abusive parents likely exist in similar proportion across all the spectrum of educational choice, and certainly many abuse in ways that are not readily detectable, even with monitoring. The government needs to accept that it is not wise nor is it even feasible to isolate a particular population with no proven increased risk of abuse and subject them to undue scrutiny. There needs to be a point at which the government can accept that it cannot read the hearts and minds of its populace and does not allow itself to engage in civil rights abuses simply so it can feel proactive.

*****

Saying that kids should all get funding is a tricky issue, I know. Basically, I don't think that money should be the main entitler to a good education. Neither should testable/assessible ability! A poor child who doesn't test well is left to the postcode lottery, which, from what I understand of government schools in this country, he's unlikely to win. Some will argue that many private schools have bursaries, etc., but what if the child lacks parents who have the necessary awareness and wherewithal? And a bursary doesn't alleviate the stress of having to compete to be able to attend a school. Does it seem right that a child is tested to be allowed his education, tested repeatedly while he's receiving it, and then tested hugely at its completion? Is the stress associated with simply growing up and being deemed as having a proper chance at a successful life worth it? Is it not in itself a kind of human rights breach?

It's simply unacceptable that there is such variance in school quality and that the bad ones are truly dire. If the government cannot find a solution, then it really is sort of left with the idea that keeps getting thrown around by US Republicans--the voucher system, which assumes that competition heals all. It seems to me that what is needed is a policy U-turn with regards to working with children, as I mentioned above, and a clear vision of a family-friendly culture. I'd say a good starting point would doubling the number of people working in education, and ensuring each of them, even those in support roles, earn a meaningful wage. You cannot change a nation of failing schools with endless policy consultations, particularly the pointless finger-pointing sort. Most people understand the importance of happy, educated children. What we need are lots more heads and hands on the ground assessing real problems and creating real solutions. As a society we generally need to be more friendly and responsive toward children, while at the same time challenging them to be good people. I get the general sense that children just really aren't looked after very much. We plop them in front of a Disney film at the first holler when they're tiny, and we continue keeping them disengaged thus until we deem it's time they did something with their lives. I feel very bad for today's teenagers, because now they also have to step into an adult world that is very badly off, because the grownups who were meant to keep the economy strong were similarly tuned out..

I dunno. It's 4:30 in the morning, and the only reason I'm awake is because I have heartburn. :P I'm sure most of what I wrote will seem nonsensical after I've slept a bit. Yeah truly, I should definitely do my part for a child-friendly world and get enough sleep such that I'm not beastly to the kids tomorrow. ;)

Cold cold cold

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:43:54 GMT

This is me these days:

Very cold and a bit resentful. The former because the house just won't heat up properly, and I wear many layers of clothes, hats, and jackets to preserve my body heat. The latter because we're paying what I'm guessing is more than £200 per month just to run the boiler and I feel that for that money I should be luxuriating in nothing but camisole tops should I choose to. So, due to cold, giving all our money to Scottish gas, and feeling generally lethargic, we haven't been up to terribly much aside from the odd virus. Remember that song, 'If we make it through December..'? Yeah, that month for me would be January. At least next month I can eat lots of chocolate and pester James for cheery flowers.

We're fully back into homeschooling at least. Keeping the kids' brains busy makes me feel less bad about not going hardly anywhere. They're about to finish a math text which makes me feel vaguely accomplished. Though to be fair, we're impatient learners and will have techically done less than 1/4 of the prescribed work as we have no desire to do busy work once a concept is mastered. The fact that I always performed worse in classes that required a lot of pointless scribbling is probably biasing my teaching methods, but we work with what we have..

When we're not learning, we are doing crafts, building Lego and playing Wii. Oh yes, I got a Wii and Wii Fit for Christmas. You can guess who the only person still without a Wii Fit profile is :P. I'll get around to it just a soon a I can remove a few layers of clothing without risking frostbite.

Some few pictures from the last month:

A rather badly taken photo of our Christmas spoils. 'Spoil' is a fairly appropriate word in this case, as the kids managed to end up with even more this year than usual. I think James wins as gift-giver this year with the boots he bought for me. He had noticed that I had ordered some boots on clearance only to have the order cancelled as they had run out of stock. Seeing that I was bummed out, he then went to Glasgow a few weeks later and managed to track down a pair for me--in the right size, in the right color! It was on this trip that he also managed to snag the Wii stuff. I was so dead impressed, particularly as his normal shopping strategy involves me having to kick him out of the house on Christmas Eve with the bank card.

I did manage to finish his quilt in time for Christmas, the piecing and binding hastily sewn up while he was away on business. The back is seriously amateurish, and the actual quilting was minimal. Fortunately, I had bought a high quality wadding which tolerated my half-assedness well, at least where the quilting was concerned. Technically, this is my first quilt that had a proper wadding and backing, and I found it enormously frustrating. The cotton and the wadding stuck to each other so much that trying to align and smooth them required almost more patience than I could muster. I was sure I must have been missing some key insider tips on making the whole experience zen-filled. Ah well. Also, you might notice the quilt is square rather than a standard bed size. I could pretend that I just like it that way, but the truth is that I screwed up a couple rows of cats and couldn't bear the thought of picking out all those stitches. Fat quarter quilts are great, so long as you don't screw up any of your pieces. Anyway, James likes it, or at least is wise enough to say as much. I DO like the cat motif. It's hard to see, but the fabrics are all very beautiful, and have an asian theme. He picked them himself, actually! His Christmas sweater is almost finished, the knitting on the second arm due to be finished today.

This is one of the cuter advent calendars I've seen. James' mom Anne sent it, and the kids really liked putting it together every day. They even hid little surprises in most of them and made up a game for us to play, which we finally got around to doing the other day. Very sweet.

Oh oh, Mo got me a gorgeous stack of fat quarters for Christmas. We seem to have a decent system--she sends me fabric that is so hard to get here (in person anyway) and I send her British yarn. Her birthday is coming up, and I'm having a terrible time trying to decide what to get. I want to get her loads and loads is the problem because I adore spoiling her, even more so now that she's about to have her baby.

The cats have been up to the usual naughtiness.

I thought I was very clever repurposing a birdfeed holder for cat food. I forgot to consider the fact that birds aren't capable of lifting lids of that size. It is now weighted with a jug of juice. I would love to have an immaculately styled home, but it's precluded by my need to have the house strewn with McGyver-esque naughty cat solutions. The downstairs toilet is the absolute worst. I have, in this tiny room, two cat litter boxes; one open and another huge covered one. I also have to have a big empty plastic bin next to the toilet. Why?? Because Mittens prefers to urinate on bare floor. I suppose I should be grateful that he will at least use the bin, but sheesh. What really gets me is that if he sees that he has peed in the box and no one has gotten around to mopping it up yet, he will suddenly deign to use a litter box. Argh!

Mittens has extreme food tracking skills. We rarely get cat food in the Tesco order (grocery home delivery--a godsend, even if I do hate Tesco), and yet on the recent occasion that I did, he zeroed in on the bag, which was wrapped in another bag, neither of which was leaky, and prompty tore into it. Here James is extracting the kitten from the bag. Being on a diet must trigger some latent desperating hunting skills, or something. Poor fattypuss.

I found the kids these excellent super-challenging dot-to-dot books that are pretty addictive. Mittens even likes to give them a go..

Representative of who is in control of this household.

The kids were invited to a little Build-a-Bear party, which was very cute, have to say.

Funny, it was the adults who thought this part looked a bit dodgy. Growing up twists the mind..

Nyssa went for a typical cat-in-pink-dress sort of thing. Joseph chose a bear and dressed it in slippers, an army helmet, stuck a wee cat to its arm, and gave it a little backpack stuffed with another tiny animal. Hehe. Oh, also Grandpa Mike and Grandma Mel should note that I was serious when I said that Joseph wears his new hat everywhere! :)

Lovely robin, very grateful for his food (better be--I buy him premium stuff) and look at how tubby he is, even though it's midwinter! <3

Run-up to Christmas '08

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 23:37:30 GMT

Looks like our heroes are SOL.

A Christmas ornament box *shrug* That's my seester and me in the photo.

If there's one thing keeping community halls open in this country it's the need of the British person (apparently) to hold fundraising events. These events have led to the evolution of a number of games that one must pay to play. We went to a village Christmas Fayre and came out with what are, I have to say, the worst Tombola prizes ever. The chocolate buttons would have been a winner, but for the fact that the box had obviously been opened already and hastily taped shut again.. I'm not sure what's worse, the Miller beer Joseph won, or the scary finger puppet.

The household naughties in a moment of cute repose.

Nyny's first choir concert! Look at her stance and her gaping mouth--she's a natural! :)

My pear cheese! It's got pear schnapps in it or something..I dunno, I saw it in a deli and just needed it!

This we did not need--a pork liver jelly. Afficionados of American 60's-style Jello side dishes should take heart; their British cousins are keeping the beastly tradition alive and well.

The annual gingerbread day--this is the girls' cake.

The boys'--I like the snow drifts. Also like Joseph's bug cookies.

Me screwing up with the camera..looks sorta trippy.

Our Christmas tree (dur)

Owls are way better than angels. Besides, I stuck my swarovski (love) star on the leader.

Joseph appropriated the mantle to display the contents of his Lego advent calendar. I gave up trying to control the decor of the room not long thereafter--to be fair, Joseph has at least as much flair for that sort of thing as I do. He made a very nice little centrepiece with tree clippings and a little bird ornament.

Ha! Caught with a corm! If I haven't said, we call those packing corn-based pellets 'corms'..because we're LOL-idiots. Mittens has been put on a diet and so has taken to inspecting our many packages for these things. He hoards them and snacks on them when he wants food. He also rips open bags of the corn-based cat litter when particularly desperate..poor fattypuss.

Look what we found in a junk shop in Perth! I'm a tacky SOB, so rather than paying the 6 quid to own a bit of my heritage, I just took a picture.

But we did buy these! James was dead impressed to find what he calls my new 'titchy boots.' They're just like his army boots, but, er, titchy! :)

Trippy photo of the kids while we're waiting for the panto to start. We saw The Snow Queen this year.

Merry Christmas from Dynarod--a big hole into the sewage system in the yard, which they won't likely get to filling in until the new year. :P

Joseph, defying the homeschooler stereotype of the anti-videogame household. Xbox Lego games are his primary holiday occupation (apart from actual Lego).

Nyssa, performing her primary occupation--devouring books.

Christmas cookie-making, as overseen by Mitu. The messy kitchen would be his fault. *cough*

Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas!

Some peechers..

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 14:39:30 GMT

..that didn't fit in thematically with other photos.

Nyssa and Joseph looking rather gorgeous at Ben and Meg's wedding.

I need to dig out the rest of the wedding photos. There are some funny ones that document exactly how quickly it was that Nyssa managed to make herself unkempt once she was allowed to.

I bought the little heat pad for me..

Roald Dahl and wine, excellent.

She's looking much too mature these days, if you ask me.

That's a bit more like it.

Pumpkin spice cookies with chopped chocolate and galaxy buttons. I dunno, they were very nice.

I post this picture of a tired me to show mom my hat and that I still wear Grandma's coat.

A most surprising thing--I adore scones with clotted cream. There is nothing attractive at all about the words 'clotted cream' but the stuff is gorgeous.

Joseph turned 10 this year. He was quite adamant that we get these candles when he saw them in the shop. Poor kid..

Tormenting our kids..

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:34:43 GMT

...is a duty and a privilege. The latest elaborate prank on Joseph involved the ongoing meme of Joseph's hatred for Buzz Lightyear, who in younger and kinder years was a treasured friend to the boy. James has collected his related paraphernalia, in particular anything depicting Evil Emperor Zurg. At one point James made Joseph a Star Wars CD and, awful man that he is, made the first track Zurg's Planet. Joseph was, erm, indignant to say the least.

So anyway, James has got a couple Zurg figurines on his desk; half to piss Joseph off, half in defiance of his growing up (whose, you ask? Good question..). James started his prank by putting this through the mail slot:

(Yes, it's taken me a while to post this). Joseph, having failed to notice in his excitement that it's written on my note paper and that it's quite obviously James' handwriting, asked if he could call the number. He called the 'courier' and had a very sweet and polite conversation about his parcel. I would have gotten all sniffly at the cuteness if I wasn't trying so hard not to laugh. Joseph got off the phone and said the parcel would be coming tomorrow. Then James ran around the side of the house and phoned Joseph back.

He told Joseph that a courier was in the area and would drop the parcel by shortly. A couple minutes later, James dropped a parcel on the step, rang the bell, then booked it for the back door. While Joseph was getting the door, he slipped back upstairs to his office.

Joseph happily trotted back inside with his parcel and opened it up.

The letter read something along the lines of, "We hope you will enjoy playing with your new Zurg action figure. Regards, the Evil Emperor Zurg Corporation." Joseph was confused, but after a nano second or two of thought started to smell a rat. He ran upstairs and demanded to see James' Evil Emperor Zurgs.

James showed Joseph his miniature straightaway, and blandly told Joseph that he's only ever had the one. Joseph was fairly convinced that he'd been had but as James is such a good bullsh*tter, was not quite sure. Nyssa took the opportunity to steal James' computer and laugh derisively.

Joseph did manage to get revenge. A few weeks later he found the most hideous Jar Jar Binks hand puppet at a charity sale. He bought it, boxed it up as though it were a work-related parcel and had it 'sent' to a horrified James. Hehe.

Well done Joseph. It's good to know we're teaching, uhh, valuable skills.

Contrast: The House

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 00:11:51 GMT

November has shown a lot of variety out here.

A deluge of incredibly heavy wind and rain early in the month robs us of what would have been a spectacular display of autumn colour, but it was still quite pretty.

It properly snowed one night! It even lasted most of that day. Living farther inland we're definitely going to see more winter weather, I think.

This is how things have been looking for the last week or so, quite misty and a thick frost on everything.

Me and the Girl

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:49:02 GMT

I like December because Christmas shopping gives me an excuse to take the kids out singly, which I always enjoy. Yesterday, Nyn and I went to Edinburgh.

That's right, those are a US 6.5, so she's certainly fitting into adult shoes now.

The German Market is in town! Pretzels and pyramids for everyone!

Put a moon in the door instead of a heart, and you've got something I seriously need to own.

Warm pretzel love.

Possibly the best thing of the day--all bedecked with garland was this kid with a sign that said 'free hugs'. How could we not? Reminds me of the Seattle 'smile' guy.

Nyssa really wanted a trip to the salad bar at Pizza Hut. The waitress convinced her to get the kids meal because it included one for free. See here her puny salad. I love the 'I've been gipped' look on Nyn's face when surveying her meager bowl. Hehehe.

We had a very nice time, and public transport actually more or less worked (it's been real touch and go lately). We got our gifts, wasted all sorts of time in shoe and perfume departments, and drank plenty of decaff lattes. Having a daughter is excellent stuff.

Me vs. the Cat: Sewing

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:35:54 GMT

Mitu has needs. Most of them involve being the centre of attention, particularly when I have things I want to get done, *most* particularly when I have things I want to get done without the addition of cat hair...

whether it's napping on my very nice Scottish tweed...

or sitting on top of my neatly stacked, and equally nice quilting fabric...

or seemingly trying to open an artery on the rotary cutter. *sigh* He IS pretty cute though.

Halloween--Scotland Style

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 15:57:30 GMT

This year we decided to fully participate in Halloween. When we lived in a downtown area, it didn't really make sense to. Now that we're in a village, with streets with houses with front doors and porch lights, I thought we'd finally have our first British trick-or-treat.

Difference one: I don't know how things have progressed in the States, but out here in the Scottish sticks, you're not necessarily out of luck if you need huge amounts of groceries and don't have a car. What this means is that we had our Halloween pumpkins delivered, which obviously took away a key aspect of the activity back home--getting to pick them ourselves. No matter, they worked out well enough. Here James is helping the kids plan their designs. That is, he's trying to explain why perhaps carving a Darth Maul face is a bit ambitious for the amount of energy he had that evening.. I'm glad he was willing to do it, because I still had to sew up a rudimentary costume so Joseph could dress up as the aforementioned Sith.

Even in trying to be scary, Nyssa is incapable of not being cute.

You wouldn't expect it, but Joseph will play to a camera..

On Halloween the kids were hopping around all day waiting to get dressed and go out. I was still fairly nervous about going, partially convinced that I had heard wrong and people would open their doors to us with utter bewilderment. The plan was to wait until well after sundown, but what I was actually waiting for was for some kids to come to my door first. Joseph pointed out the obvious logical flaw there--what if everyone does the same?? I told him I was fairly certain that no one else would be as out-of-the-know and neurotic as his dear mother. He wasn't terribly impressed, but at about 6:30 some kids turned up and that was that.

Darth Joseph.

Cute devil fairy? I dunno, it was the best I could find on ebay at the last minute.

So off we went. I was unsure which houses to knock at, so I went with the old standby of only going for houses with porch lights on. This is a bit problematic, as most houses don't actually have porches, but we made do. Some houses in the village were actually quite decked out in Halloween decorations. And at most houses the kids were invited in by older women who insisted that it was too cold the kids to be mingling about outside. That of course would be huge difference number two. I was strictly instructed as a child to never step over the threshold. Child molesters surely laid in wait if I did. At one house, there were some 20-somethings that had decorated, from what I could tell, their entire house and asked kids in to have a cookie and gave them each a party bag full of treats. I have to assume that this doesn't happen in larger towns, particularly the unwrapped baked goods and fresh fruit we received (also huge no-nos from childhood--apples can contain razor blades, don't ya know!).

I had made sure the kids had memorized a couple jokes because I had heard that a remnant from the old Scottish tradition of guising was that some folks expected kids to do some sort of trick--song, dance, joke, whatever. It's a good thing I did, because that indeed was the norm. My assumption growing up was that trick or treat meant give me a treat from that big WalMart bag of candy or I'll play a trick on you. This of course was bolstered by that lovely 'trick or treat, smell my feet..' rhyme that we all enjoyed so much. The kids' small efforts were inordinately rewarded, I have to say. Between them, from not more than 15 houses or so, they had earned in excess of 8 pounds. There were also many full-sized candy bars in their stash.

Here they are with some of their spoils.

It was sort of amusing to run into other trick-or-treaters. I did notice that there were no fairies, Elvises, clowns, etc. Everyone was dressed ghoulishly, which I suppose makes some historical sense. I mean, a Tinkerbell wasn't likely to scare anyone into giving her anything. Since all these kids go to school together, they all wondered, quite loudly have to say, who the heck Nyssa and Joseph were. One surmised that they were those American homeschooled kids he met once at the park, but that was quickly dismissed by his friend. Hehe.

The trick-or-treaters to my house were more confusing than anything. I certainly wasn't going to make them tell me a joke. The majority of them were teenagers, I noticed. Back home that tends to get dirty looks. At one point I opened the door to a dozen or so teenage boys with horror masks on, standing around with their hands in their pockets. I looked at them, they looked at me. I finally asked them if they might like some candy. Some shuffled forward, some refused, saying that they were good guisers. One asked if I wanted to hear a joke. "Go on then," I said. His joke: What comes out of your nose at 250 mph? A Lamborgreenie. *sigh* Another kid offered one: Why do you look down the toilet? To see poo. "Wow, that's crap. Get it?!!" I replied. He just looked confused. Teenagers, eh? Most of the rest were less awkward, and we actually managed to rid ourselves of a big colander full of treats. I was quite impressed, and more than that I know what to expect for next year. I also don't need to worry myself over the fact that the kids have missed 4 years or so of trick-or-treating--if we stay in this country they'll be able to go out guising until they leave for university, apparently. :P

I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

Meet Classroom Assistant Mittens

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:14:24 GMT

The economic downturn has meant some tough choices. The parents' minds are obviously too bogged down crunching budget numbers so the kids needed a math tutor. This is what we could afford:

He's a thoroughgoing professional.

"Let's have a look here at your sums.."

"You're doing it wrong. I don't see why you think it's so funny."

"Your numbers look appalling. Borrow my straightedge."

"What. Did you or did you not hire me to be the ass-istant??"

On copping out..

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 19:24:29 GMT

..at election time.

If you read what I write, listen to my drivel, etc., it's probably no surprise that I haven't found a home in either of our two major political parties. It's also been hard to place myself amongst some of the alternatives. Some parties would have us eschew centralized government completely, which I think is unrealistic and would merely have us governed by the corporations that provide the services we crave. Others would have us so dominated by Washington D.C. that we would be completely at the mercy of TPTB (if indeed we aren't already..). I've also aged into a sort of distaste for the mindless lefties that have appeared, noisily and with dred locks whipping in the wind, as liberalism has become 'on trend.' They're almost as obnoxious as the equally asinine folks on the right who persist in laboring under the delusion that the general election is the meaningful time to vote the moral(istic) line, and then wonder why the neocon Republicans have a carte blanche to do whatever the hell they like with the vast American 'moral majority' bolstering them up. The Democrats don't represent folk like me, and the Republicans no longer represent their supporters either. What an interesting situation. This is our two-party State, my friends.

I should point out that I have nothing against non-progressives. You don't have to share my superb political insights for me to like you ;). I also have nothing against dred locks. Indeed, I endeavor to have an enviable set in 40 years time or so.

A couple months ago, I managed to corner John Taylor Gatto at a home education conference in Arbroath. I was keen to quiz the guy on the relative merits of voting for a less horrid candidate who has a chance of getting in or voting for who I believe would actually do the sort of work I believe needs doing. He thought there was great value in voting for the alternatives. He cited the example of Perot making people nervous when he managed to get a chunk of the popular vote in '92. Of course there's also the still-debated effect of Nader on the Florida race in '00. Then he brought up Ron Paul as an interesting possibility. I think the man is fairly charming, with his Dr. No moniker and his actually attempting to adhere to the constitution, but..oh dear. I'm way too much of a cynic to believe that the sort of deregulation and governmental non-interference his sort of libertarians propose would see the average poor person treated very well. You can build more community autonomy without corporate laissez-faire. In that sense, I lean much more toward the Green Party.

There is also the issue of my home state. I come from Idaho, a state that hasn't voted in a Democrat since '64, and then only by a thin margin. In this case, given that McCain is projected to win 2 to 1, do I vote 'not republican' or 'not any of this status quo nonsense'? Do I dare hope the enthusiasm that Obama has stirred up will reach the hearts of my beloved compatriots? Or do I make a statement vote for a party I actually believe in?

In the end, for better or worse, I admit that I fell for the glamour. I did 'cast' my absentee ballot for Obama, and for every other Idaho non-republican nominee I could color in an oval next to. I did feel quite awkward voting for positions other than president. I haven't lived in Idaho for more than 4 years--do I really have a right to help determine the direction of a place that isn't my home? After giving it some thought, I decided that, if anything, I'm a more informed voter now than I was when I did actually have a Moscow zip code. It is also a right afforded to me, when it comes down to it, and perhaps it's a bit self-indulgent to worry myself over it.

As I get older I am more determined that it is the day to day living out of one's political and social views that makes the difference. As I live and speak and write, hopefully I will have a positive influence and people will associate those influences with the ideals I try to embody. This is the hard graft of being a good citizen, but it's the meaningful bit and I'm suppose I'm happy to give it a go. In the meantime, y'all remember to go cast your ballots!

'Let's be clear'...

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 20:53:50 GMT

...to quote an Obamaism.

I am going to do my part for election-season clarity. Not many people read this blog, and not all of the people who do agree with my positions on things. I'm really sick, however, of reading homeschooler propaganda about Obama opposing their education choice. In case there is any doubt amongst my friends here, I invite you to google 'Obama position homeschooling.' The gist is, you will quickly find, he considers it a choice to be honored.

There. People who have visited my site will no longer be able to use homeschooling as an issue over which to hate Obama. Of course people can get all hinky about the issue of degree of approval, but they can't say he's looking for a blanket ban and to march 2-year-olds into the schoolyard at gunpoint. I'm feeling very patriotic now.

horror movie scream

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 16:38:55 GMT

Something I've never quite gotten over is the whole household cleanliness honesty thing, particularly where in-laws are concerned. I always envisioned myself becoming, certainly by my late 20s, someone who would have the household rhythm down and everyone more or less clean all the time. It eludes me still, but rather than just accept it, I have quasi-panic attacks just before visitors come. OK, admittedly not all visitors, and this all depends on how well I'm feeling (which affects my 'give-a-sh*t' levels to a high degree), but generally I try to nurture the fantasy that I'm not a complete slob. So in the interest of evolving honesty, I post the following--the photo of my laundry closet after I gutted the house of all the dirty laundry I'd managed to pretend didn't exist..

Nooooooooooo.....

It seems though that I might have a good out for being a bit immature about the housework. A neighbor came from across the street the other day to introduce herself. She greeted me, sort of looked me up and down, and asked, very nicely I should add, if my mom was home. Good god. I sort of feebly replied that I was indeed the lady of the house, tada. Granted, it probably didn't help that I was wearing camo pants, pig tails, and bright lipstick, but come on. I'm 30 years old.

Certainly old enough to vote--which I did!

I find it fairly charming that they must assume that everyone, from the sorority girl to the old farmer, is going to be keen on getting a sticker. I put that in the mail the other day, so I see no reason why it shouldn't get home in time. I'm a good citizen, w00t.

Speaking of good citizens, here's a very good little world citizen, learning about her planet. She loooooves her geography. She cuddles her geography. I suppose that's one benefit of homeschooling--you can engage with your material in any number of strange ways and there are only a few people who will give you wierd looks for it.

Another demonstration of good citizenship--here are the kids walking back from doing the recycling. I like the 'No Golf' sign just on the other side of our wall.

Being a good citizen also involves reusing. What the hell am I doing to this guitar with knitting needles, you ask? This is yet another example of my awesome McGyvering skills. I was reading about lap steel guitars, and decided I need to play around with one. The only reasonable course of action at that point was to take this crappy £5 guitar we got at a knick-knack shop, put a wooden needle under the strings to raise them, tune it, then use an aluminum addi knitting needle as the bar. Do you know what, it worked just fine. The guitar being incapable of holding its tune for more than 2 minutes is what did it in, not my elite instrument building skills. Hehe.

To be a good citizen, one must also support small business. To that end, I just bought some more knitting needles. These are beastly *15mm* addi circulars. Yeah, woah. You know, they'd make mighty fine steel guitar bars...

As a responsible citizen, I also support the arts. Would you take a look at this?

This is a typical example of James' doodling. That's right--his doooodling. I finally convinced him to stop doing them on envelopes and I ordered him some proper paper. I don't think I'm merely husband-proud in saying that he is quite talented. He has an extraordinary sense for forms and lines, and he's doing all of these with a set of Sharpies. He refuses to let me buy him proper artist markers, and I think that's a pity. Could be that I use the holidays as an excuse to get around the ban.. In any case, I've told him that what I want for Christmas is a huge one in a frame.

Package Requests

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:46:02 GMT

Nyssa showed me a little craft project today in her American Girl Magazine (sounds a bit nationalistic, doesn't it..nothing of the sort really), and requested some of those spearmint gummy leaf candies that you can get in the States. That reminded me that this is round about the time of year that family back home starts pondering what to put in packages. We are altogether too spoilt, but I have to admit that we don't mind it at all. :) So, here are some food items that we find ourselves longing for:

-the aforementioned spearmint leaves
-cinnamon gummy bears
-red Nibs
-Nestle Crunch/the hershey equivalent (Krackle?)
-peanut butter baking chips
-brickle baking bits (forget what they're called..tiny bits of toffee--can you believe you can't get those in *britain*??)
-gummy bears
-fruit snacks
-wintergreen candy canes
-rootbeer anything
-red ropes
-Dots
-Whatchamacallits
-tootsie rolls, particularly the fruit flavored ones. Footies are nice too.
-york peppermint patties
-come to think of it, mini candy bars of any description. I miss raiding the Wal-Mart clearance aisle after Halloween!
-Luna Bars (especially the s'mores ones!), Clif Bars (especially peanut butter or carrot cake!), things of that sort that don't involve dates or raisins are really very much appreciated. I had Luna bars sent this way once and customs about killed me.
-flavoured beef jerky, particularly that jamaican kind
-that crappy international coffee powdered stuff, any flavor so long as it's decaff

I hate that I can't get Cool Whip. I know it's rubbish, but I can hardly bear to make pumpkin pie as it's just not the same without it.

Now, if people would send me a list of the foods they would like from the UK, I could try to get packages out in a timely fashion this year. I would assume that everyone likes Cadbury and McVities cakes, but I don't recall anyone actually saying they like the things I send, so.. Did anyone like those flavoured fudges? Hehe, I also need to ponder what gross thing to send Dad this year. I need to keep a record, as I've forgotten what I've send already. I think there was bloater paste, spotted dick pudding, lunch tongue, steak and kidney pie in a can..they'll can anything in this country.

Oh yeah, does anyone want Christmas crackers (those British party favors you pull from both ends)? I can get them premade or send you kits to make them (lots of fun :).

So anyway, please leave a comment or send me an email. There should be a link on the info page, if you've not got it.

Quite possibly..

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 01:30:59 GMT

..the most ridiculous thing I've ever made. And that's really saying something. From recent memory, you may recall my Ghetto Yarn Swift. And a lot of you saw the neo-romantic nightmare of a bathroom in my trailer, complete with victorian crimson walls, tiles, and an angel motif. *shudder* This is pretty goofy though--

I look sorta like an X-Men character and my super power is turning into Cookie Monster. The idea was to have cozy mittens to wear in my chilly house that didn't impede my typing. For this they actually work fairly well. Being palmless, my hand is also not completely useless with the mouse. Now I am the envy of the cats--grippy skin on the underside like them, but with opposable thumbs! Beat that kitties! ...

...Or just plant your ass on the hama beads. Touché, Mitu, touché.

Aw bless..

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:34:26 GMT

Our online pet store has a whole page of products dedicated to calming stressed out pets on Bonfire Night.

Speaking of Bonfire Night, we shall be leaving our pets in the relative calm of our rural location and going to see the Edinburgh fireworks at the zoo. The place is built on a hill, and as such is a good alternative to braving arena hell. Apparently Bonfire Night will be sans bonfire, but fair enough for us, having an asthmatic in our midst.

I've been cleaning my office/dining/craft room which has resulted in my consolidating a big pile of books I've been meaning to read. So far I've found:

-Omnivore's Dilemma
-Two Caravans
-Chomsky's Failed States
-Nella Last's War
-The Age of Consent
-The Consolations of Philosophy (de Botton)
-Consolation of Philosophy (Boethius)
-The Darkness that Comes Before
-Zinn's People's History
-1000 Splendid Suns
-Pedagogy of the Oppressed
-Diary of Frida Kahlo
-Proust's Memory of Things Past
-Nickel and Dimed
-The Old Man and the Sea

So that's not a huge list, but it's enough to give me, er, autodidactical guilt. In the back of my mind there's an itchy voice reminding me that I can't grow my intellect on Wikipedia and BBC News alone (much as I might wish it) but even with my kids being older and mellow, I don't do a lot of sitting in environments conducive to reading. The only time I do crack a book is when I've gone up to bed, and then it's a mild and familiar fantasy series to redirect my thoughts from anxious ones as I try to nod off. I don't think that would be the time for Zinn or Freire, to say the least! Ah well. Someday I'll get to it, and Nyss and Jos will boggle when their kids extol their granny's profound erudition. Hehe.

Having gotten some sleep..

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 12:45:32 GMT

..morning deliveries notwithstanding..Ugh. Here are pictures from Nyssa's birthday!

Nyssa grinning in anticipation of trying her bike.

James is good at this. :)

I swear, they did manage to be upright at times.

Victory strut.

Woohoo!

Birthday lunch--PBJ on white and mac and cheese!

Looks cute enough, but it was a Tesco cake. British supermarket cakes are dry as sawdust. I've done this a few times. Even M&S is sub-par. It's not even like I expect the fantastic shortening-laden creations from back home. After a few years of break from making those insane theme cakes it seems I'll have to get back in the kitchen, so to speak.

Birthday battle. Battle is a recurring theme in my house :P

It appears I didn't really take many photos of her birthday. In a way that's a good thing--it means things were low key. We've all been after that lately.

A few other things..

Harvesting potatoes at the farm yesterday. Kids did good, even with the midgies biting. I'm so itchy today! On the recommendation of Kosmick, Skin So Soft is in the mail!

Tubby cat tummy..in a tub.

James wasn't home last night, so I made a classic--tuna casserole. Nyssa was less than impressed. Joseph it ate it all up. I ate the cheesy topping :P.

Mittens posing with my new yarn. I ordered some Christmas crafty presents for Nyssa and Mirasol's (fair trade!) baby alpaca yarn was deeply discounted. I couldn't resist, as Grandma R had indicated that it was that sort of fibre that made James' scarf she made so lovely. I have just a skein of each, so they will probably end up as fingerless mittens or something.**Edit..as it turns out, Miski is baby llama. How funny that I didn't notice *boggle*

Poor Nyssa. I think she's getting sick. The other day she finally decided what to get with her Amazon money (thank you Grandma MK!) and it came today, but she can't dredge up the energy to be excited and complains of feeling depressed. A combination of missing James and not feeling well, I think. I've got a killer headache myself. Why am I sitting at the computer then? The sunshine is warming this spot, and I've got a sunsoaked kitty next to me.

It's a perverse sort of life

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 00:26:24 GMT

I had a random itch to call up some christian music I listened to obsessively as a teenager. Thanks to amazon, I can get the likes of Mark Heard and that Brow Beat album from amazon sellers. It's oddly comforting knowing that. Not sure why.

Further to this, I wandered around youtube. I came across Flood by Jars of Clay, and apart from a flash memory of my sister and dried flowers glued to a fake wooden door, I found it fairly depressing. I lost my faith a few months before I lost the kids' dad, thinking to start the whole belief in a deity thing from scratch. I haven't come up with anything in the intervening years between then and now as I sit here feeling fairly sorry for myself for not having any supernatural being to guilt trip me into being productive and to carry me when the mind-angst is at it's worst. Listening to this music I try to recapture what it was that burned me so. Sardonic fellow that I am, I recognize it all as the natural mental path of a deeply internal person, given the influences at the time. I was honest, for all I knew how to be honest. And now I'm honest in my lack of belief. It's not for lack of desire, perverse as that sounds. I hope if there is a god, when it comes to the end of it he quirks a smile and falls for my pathos.

I wonder if it's the normal thing to have an emotional personality that acts as a leveller more than a filter. Apart from a couple of instances in life at the extremes, particularly when I was grief-smacked, it doesn't seem that I desire to laugh or cry any less, regardless of my circumstances. I think what has changed as I age has been my lessening capacity to internalize things. It's a bit unnerving, the penchant I now have for getting lumps in my throat and jaw tremors. On the other hand, I suppose I'm also a lot more likely to enjoy something outrageously. Is this my mature self? There are times I would really like that pressure cap back. Tools are good.

So it's no wonder that my kids are completely neurotic, nor should it surprise me that I'm fairly bemused by it all. The other day Joseph was called to come join an activity of some sort, but, with a worried expression, he requested that he be allowed to finish watching the BBC News report on the financial crisis. Nyssa got out of bed last night because she was having frightful thoughts--apparently in Crieff she saw a kid get turfed out of a corner shop for trying to buy porn. My response? To the former, I let him watch the news and later tried to convince him that the world was not in fact going to run out of money because the concept of money had long since been removed from any concrete thing. To the latter, I attempted to regale Nyn with a story of my once busting a tough teenager trying to shoplift girlie mags and reducing him to tears. Today we were harvesting potatoes and Joseph was getting eaten up by midgies. I consoled him with a stern 'deal with it and dig' and tried to distract the kids with an enthusiastic retelling of Stone Soup.

Basically, I don't know how to do this parenting thing. The above are examples of life just poking at the edges of our composite mental health issues. I try to be serious, but wry, to be deeply involved in my kids' emotional lives, but give them a fair amount of independence. I just often feel that we've got that one deadweight of agonizing, ongoing grief and I have a hard time knowing which of these life choices I'm making are positive on balance or if they're dragging us down further. Should I have stayed in the States? Should the kids be in school? Is it really the course of wisdom to put all of their eggs in one big flawed mother of a basket? I do my best, but really, I don't know how well I'm wired for this. As far as being happy and healthy, my continued mantra for them, I certainly don't lead by example. And don't all the parenting books hold that as the deadly sin? Regardless of my bouts of pathetic handwringing, I know that there is no perfect homeland, no infallible curriculum, and certainly no parenting benchmark, no matter how much I wish for all these, perhaps even insist that I deserve them.

I suppose the goal for the kids is this--to see them into an adulthood in which they feel equipped to make their own decisions. My goal for myself is to be able to look them in the eye and say, entrusted with their care as I was, that I taught them what I thought was true and gave them the best circumstances I could, given my resources and personal resilience. Well, I have to allow myself caveats, don't I?

If nothing else, it is interesting to see how motherhood was perhaps the unmaking of the stoic young lady I used to be. Nyssa and Joseph are everything for me. Any fears I have for myself are rooted in concerns I have for how I effect their lives and are perhaps compounded because of this. The tempering effect they have on how I live my life does have a sweeter edge to it though--I adore them and I revel in that. It's not the 21st century thing for a mom to say, but I'm much more interested in them than I am in myself. Perhaps I'm recalling more primal urges, but I can't help it and I don't care to help it. If I live an average lifespan, my time with them under my wing will have been so short. There's plenty of time to sort myself out later. And maybe I'll actually have some energy to do it. In the meantime, when I have nights alone I can sit and youtube myself a little soundtrack and have a good think about it.

Sale at Purlescence..

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 16:28:21 GMT

I've had some very pretty Rowan yarn sitting around that I got at a huge discount (as it's discontinued, meh) and the weather getting cool has reminded me that perhaps something made out of it would be very nice.

I found the pattern Alpine in the Rowan 42 magazine, and was contemplating having to buy the thing (they always cost £11 or so) when I came across a link to the pattern for free on Ravelry! If you make it up, note that the last stitch on row 37 should be K1, not K2.

I've made up one of the triangles. I think the yarn works rather well, though to get what I've worked out the measurements to be, I knitted 4 fewer rows. Shall see how it ends up fitting.

After doing one section on straight needles, my wrists were dying. A combination of too much typing, gardening, and such is just too much for the puny things, and the only 10mm circular needles I have are 1. much too short and 2. MIA. The UK lux knitting webshop Purlescence happened to have a sale on needles, so I picked up a few sets..

Some indian rosewood Colonials, 10mm

Coconut palm Lantern Moons, 12mm.

I got some 10mm dpns as well, as I'm always wishing I had some, some bag handles, a couple buttons..

A few other things..

Mitu shares my feelings about the news recently..

Gratuitous paw shot

We've tried to make Mittens any number of bespoke beds. This is what he goes for *sigh*

Or this, aw

The couch is also a part-time venue for war-making. *sighsighsigh*

That would be before they rounded up the pillows and all chaos ensued. This would be the real reason I try to keep non-essential items in the living room to a minimum.